So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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