oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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