what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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