meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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