I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
