But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize