just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
