No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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