Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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