So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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