I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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