i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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