I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
