I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
