I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize