hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize