I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
