worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
