I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
