in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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