When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
