I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just invented taco cereal.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
