i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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