My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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