Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
