Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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