Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
false alarm, still single
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