Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
