I didn't shave. On purpose
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
