just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
