would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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