there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
