I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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