I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
