i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
