i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
