I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
