I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
