Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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