Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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