Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
