Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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