This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
