paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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