Kiss
Puke
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
