We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just googled if crying burns calories
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
