You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
