hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
