there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
