Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
