I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
