just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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