I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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