i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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