Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
