DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
