i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
