You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
