Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
