How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
