does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
