no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
