Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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