that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
