Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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