yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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