You're completely useless in the revolution.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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