Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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