If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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