wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
