i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
