...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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