some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
