if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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