I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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