Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
