similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
