I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In other news, I just burned my penis
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
