I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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