if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
