Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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