like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Randomize
