Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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